Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
