Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
