The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
