Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
