is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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