god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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