At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
