There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
