the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
