Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
