nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
