Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
