Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
