Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
