one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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