he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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