there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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