Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
