I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
