he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
