Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
