you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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