If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
