my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
