this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
