Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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