It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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