you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
