Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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