omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
