Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
