Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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