Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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