I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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