It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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