i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
