Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
