She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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