Will you blow on my dice?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
