that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
