If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
