dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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