Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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