Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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