The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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