wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
