I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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