Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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