I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
