Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
