i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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