i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
