HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
