he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
