The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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