So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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