Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
