1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
