Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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