if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
