So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
