i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Damn victory sex feels great
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