I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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