to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
