I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
