if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
