She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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