so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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