I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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