currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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