You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
