Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
